Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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