The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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