Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
