Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
