am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
