proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
