I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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