She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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