wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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