Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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