I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize