So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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