yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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