How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If I die, sorry about rent.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize