Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
