Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
