I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
