She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
