i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
