I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
