I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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