Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
