weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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