I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
