Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
