She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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