Please, let me fuck your mom
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
