So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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