I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just high enough for therapy.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
