Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
