what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
