We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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