if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
