Just took my morning after pill in the library
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
