from now on my penis is your penis
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
