she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
