It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i believe in u and ur pee
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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