Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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