my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
