If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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