I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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