I think I won the penis lottery.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize