She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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