I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
