Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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