My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
