you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
