don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I will be naked everywhere
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
