and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
