I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
40s are totally the cure
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
A+ Viking dick
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
