oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
