we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
