And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
