I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
