then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There's always time for handjobs
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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