The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
