sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
