So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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