I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
