I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
