New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
