you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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