This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
