Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
