I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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