she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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