My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You are the jesus of drinking
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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