how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
