Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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