that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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