omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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