i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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