Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
