he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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