my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
