Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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