I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
