if you like me you must not know who I am
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
this boner is exhausting
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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