I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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